Oh, So Random

Saturday, November 13, 2004

The most incredulous thing happened Wednesday.

A woman from TTSH QA Dept called me. The call was a weird one, considering that it should have been considered a professional call. I had to prompt the person before she spoke and told me she's calling from her dept in TTSH, it wasn't exactly the best service. However, what was appalling wasn't the way she made the call.

"Is Tham Kum Chew there? May I speak to her?"

Believer me, in Chinese, it sounded much less polite.

Whatever the language she spoke in, it gave me the biggest shock. I never expected her to come out and ask such a thing. I epected maybe a qn or two about their service or even their sms reminder service but I never dreamed that she would have asked me for my Grandmother when she had passed away 2 weeks prior in their charge. The death certificate was issued by them for goodness sake. Were they that lazy and insensitive to not check before they called. I'm aware they often made random survey calls, but this tops it all! How could they?

When I was silent she almost asked again.

Then I replied that she had passed away and she mumbled an apology and quickly ended the call.

I might have turned white or started tearing or something (or maybe cos they overheard the convo?) cos Zhixian and Xinrong, whom I was with, sensed something wrong and started semi-consoling me.

It's hard to move on. I sometimes wish I could cry and mourn and be miserable all the time but that's not an option. Life has to go on, we celebrate the living, not live in memories of the dead. That does not mean however that it's going to be easy, when everything one sees and hears can remind one of their deceased loved ones.

I can very jolly well do without insensitive QA officers to rub salt in my wound and intensify, or remind me, of my lingering pain...

I scribbled at ;; 7:40 AM

Monday, November 01, 2004

I just woke up from my afternoon nap crying.

I dreamt of Po Po, it made me so sad but ironically, I would rather the situation be like the scenario in the dream then to face the truth. The truth is much less unsavoury then what was in my dream...

~

The dream went like this:

I knew Po Po was placed in a home and my GodParents drove me, and if I recall correctly Ying Yi, to the place. Only the place was nothing like a home, it felt more like a hospice, all quiet and foreboding...

The design of the place was much like in Chinese Style, complete with red beams and blue roof tiles, yet someone next to me told me it looked like a cottage.

I walked forward to take a closer look and possibly look in, the concept of the place is that it gradually builds itself downwards, at the bottom you could see a big blue rectangular pool, at the sides level by level there seem to be rooms or something. The quiet of the place is too much for me to take, it felt like there were no one inside yet upon closer look I seem to see someone lying on a bed in a wardlike room down near the bottom...

Then an old lady passes by and someone seemed to have asked her how we could possibly get in and her answer was that we couldn't...

Then I seem to see Po Po in a backwards leaning position on an armchair or something with a handphone on her, all quiet and lonely...

Then, then I remembered... I remembered that it couldn't be so, she couldn't be resting there all so lonely cos she's already gone. I won't even be able to visit her anymore, I won't get to see her like that anymore, not in Po Po House, not in the hospital, not even in a home... Reality cuts, and it cuts deep...

~

In the past I used to have dreams about when she might be leaving, wake up in a fright and end up in tears due to my fear...

I never ever thought that so soon it has to go in opposite, I dream of her alive and wake up to find that she's gone forever.....

Memory and Pain is Forever...

I scribbled at ;; 8:30 AM