Sunday, June 19, 2005
Ever get the feeling that all you wanted to say seems to have been left unsaid somehow, despite all the amount you have already typed? Got that feeling last night. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I wasn't concentrating (was chatting with a student, watching tv and blogging, all at once), I somehow had the distinct feeling that there was something I wanted to express but it got lost in the middle of it all...
Anyway, between all that amount of stuff that I was doing, I somehow got reminded of some of those old sch friends of mine that I've not seen for really quite sometime. Got to blame myself really, I'm always such a passive member, even when I do think of them, I never really bothered to ask them out. All reasons that I can think for myself are pretty much excuses.
I especially thought of Jialing yesterday. Not seen her since Chinese New Year and before that I had not met up with her for almost a year. Despite our going on rather different paths, I still care about her and wished that we could have met up moe often. She contacted me sometime around my birthday but we had some sch events as well as my tuition commitments going on so I couldn't meet up with her, but hope I could get to her one of these days so that we can makan together. =)
Was actively looking all over my com for her blog address too but realised after a futile hour that I couldn't have found it. I had my bro help to reformat my com sometime earlier this year, so I lost all my precious songs (sobs) and, as I realised belatedly, some important links as well. Should have backed up ALL my stuff... Sigh... Will probably go write an email to Jialing after this and see how's she doing. That and to ask for her blog addie again. =)
Here's a pic from CNY this year. Hope it appears fine, Xinrong had some problems with the posting of pictures on her blog earlier, I'm worse than her at this so I won't be surprised if I encounter more than a few hitches...
I
scribbled at ;; 6:28 AM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Met up with Peixuan and Jiahui last evening at Plaza Singapura for dinner. Been a rather long time since we last met up, think the last time we met was when we came together to celebrate my birthday. It's finally the hols so now's as good a time as any to meet and catch up.
We ate at Ajisen (first time I've been there, not too bad I must say), they then obliged me by shopping with me for a bit at Carrefour (took the chance to buy some groceries), then we ended the day at Starbucks. Enjoyed myself so entirely and completely!! We chatted for so long that we didn't even notice it was eleven plus and it was time for us to go. Luckily, we still managed to catch a train before it was too late. =0)
Sometimes, I fear that since we now kind of learn in different institutions (Peixuan still in Computing, Jiahui moving on to NIE, myself in SIM), have different social circles and lead rather different lives, we may float apart and stop being as close before. We are all pretty busy and there hardly seems to be enough chances for us to meet up. I have seen this happening to others before, where time and circumstance brings people to float further and further apart... When once they may have been the best of friends, that eventually fades away into nothing, all that is left is the memories and awkwardness. That's why I'm so glad and I feel so blessed that we can still chat, joke and have fun with each other just as we have in the past, as if not so much time has passed and we are still the same three in a gang as we had been in school.
I treasure every friendship that I have with everyone I know and I sincerely hope that I can maintain that close relationship with everyone who means a lot to me. I'd like to think that ten years, twenty years from now, I'll still be able to go out and have lunch, dinner or tea with my friends and still be able to chat and joke around like we always did...
I
scribbled at ;; 2:55 PM
Friday, June 17, 2005
Dealng with the various disappointments in life is never easy. Hopeful as one can be, you can't help but be defeated by the one thing you can't truly control, life.
~
It appears that I might not be going to Bangkok after all.
Earlier this year, was meeting up with Zhixian and Xinrong when Rong mentioned about the graduation trip that her friends have been trying to arrange. There was a lot of talk but nothing really got settled cos there were quite a lot of things they could not seem to agree on. Then we got the idea to go on a trip by ourselves, the three of us on a non-planned, backpack kind of trip. We were going on a super saver trip to Bangkok for shopping and praying, budgeting at around $500 for a couple of days. We were to go visit Bangkok for shoppng and praying. I was especially excited. I've never ever been to Bangkok before, was so looking forward to the shopping....
Been religiously saving up since then, I think I came to a point where I was really happy with the savings amount I've maintained. Everytime I got tempted to buy anything at all I would remind myself that I could probably get something like that cheaper when I reach the Thailand soils... (still dreaming about bags, shirts, shoes, sports bras...)
Think at the back of my mind I knew there was a distinct possibility that our dream trip together may not materialise. However, I still allowed myself to indulge in the thought that we would be able to go on this trip, right before Xinrong steps out into society and into the real working world for good.
For awhile I was worried that cos of her contract with JAL, her training might possibly put a damper on out plans, but that wasn't the problem. Her family was going to Bangkok too sometime in July, it just doesn't make sense to make 2 trips in the same period to the same place. There were other pretty serious concerns about other stuff too. Though I had fully enticipated this possibility, I was still saddened that our dream was gonna blow (*pouf*) just like that. Was half tempted to ask if it's possible we arranged to go with her family but held my tongue, too ridiculous for me to suggest such a thing...
Still, I sincerely wish and hope we would definitely have another chance sometime in the future to go on a trip together. It'll be a good way to commerate our many years of friendship. =)
Hmm... Xinrong did suggest that we two take the trip together, though I think Zhixian, like me, won't be too keen with that idea as it sort of defeats the purpose but we'll see how it goes when she comes home from India. Still praying for a miracle on my end though....
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In commemoration of 8 years of business
Yesterday the 15th of June was officially the last day of operation of Northpoint's workout place. Funny how I've been going there for a few mths but I just can't seem to remember the actual shop name. I'm sure I'm gonna miss all that exercise I've gotten from there...
It's not just the exercise though, it's the chance that I get to truly relax everytime I go for a session. It's the only times I feel like I want to put in real effort and work to my utmost ability. It's not much but I feel better as a person, I feel less useless somehow... Nothing else seems to incite as much effort nowadays, is it due to a lack of passion? A fault in my personalilty? A tendency on my part to run away from responsibilities? Still searching for myself and my place in this world, so great so wide that it's much easier to get lost in the middle of things...
Oops, digressed too much... Was gonna go to Safra when Yian mentioned the $98/12sessions deal but that fell through. The Safra people are just trying to protect their coffers so I can't put the blame on them. Can only either try the $98/mth unlimited scheme or take up the $9 per session deal. Both don't seem so worth it to me but will probably think it through and see how. I need the exercise, besides, how boring would it be to always only go jogging. So men1.....
I'd truly miss the place and what it means to me, friendship, companionship, hardwork, fun....
All the best to Yian and co though!
Ps Found the namecard Yian gave me in case anyone of us 3 wanted to contact her, the place's called Aerobic Fitness. ;0p
~
My Mum brought back a print out of some email conversation she had with my father. Again reaffirms how little my father knows of me and my character. In his eyes I probably an inconsiderate, non-helpful, disrespectful, immoral to a degree slut who can't wait for the casino to open to pollute the social norms in Singapore and be a part of that. I'd probably never redeem myself in his eyes, I probably won't want to try again. No need to go bang myself on the wall again and again and risk getting hurt all over.
Yet... Yet, I find myself sometimes still putting in the effort time and again, whether consciously or not...
I'm just so stupid............
I'm so stubborn that I think I'd carry all these baggages around me all my life, when will I ever learn to let go?
A psychologist or counsellor I saw on tv once said that it's good that you get hurt, that means that you care and your family still means something to you, one way or another. Sometimes, I really wish I didn't care so much. Intentionally or unintentionally, I always tend to seem to be the one to get hurt...
I should look to Mt Everest and aspire to be her...
I
scribbled at ;; 5:10 AM
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Got inspired by Xinrong's enthusiasm with blogging so I started a project to revamp my blog!
Asked my bro Dequan what he thought of it, his response was 'Copy others one...'
I know I know... I downloaded the main design and look of my currently revamped blog from a site but to be fair I did put in quite a bit of work to make it my own. I'm not so good with html so I had to do quite a bit of trial and error to get it done. I'm just glad it's up now. =0)
There are still some kinks that I've yet to work out though. Wished Dezhi were back, he's the expert in this. Tried to get it done on my own but there's a limit to how much one can accomplish purely through trial and error. Sigh....
A bit conflicted actually. I'm very proud that my two brothers are so well-versed in all things regarding the computer but I get paiseh when I have to ask them about every damn thing regarding computers. It doesn't help matters when more often then not they become irritated when I don't understand what they try to explain to me that easily. It takes an immense amount of patience to deal with me and all I can do is count my blessings and thank whoever's up there for everytime they appear more ready and willing to help.
I hope I can really get the hitches fixed. I'm a little bit obsessive and perfectionistic at times, I expect I'd be none too happy should I not be able to get the blog to look exactly the way I want to it look...
This is one aspect of my personality that I've got to get changed or at least partially surpressed. Not too helpful in life to be so stubborn with things...
~
On a seperate note, managed to add a tag board on my page. Do feel free to leave me any comments or messages! ;)
I
scribbled at ;; 2:11 PM
Monday, June 13, 2005
Oh God! What should I do?!!
It's that time of the year again, where I have got to make choices regarding what I wish to take for the next year as my coursework. This year, it has really become a royal pain in the ass... What a drag!
I can't decide, it's really all so confusing!
Intially decided on Computer Based Informations System (CBIS) and Elements of Social and Applied Psychology (ESAP), only have to decide another 2, from either Financial Reporting (FR), Financial Management(FM) or Corporate Finance (CF).
Now there is Law of Business Organisations (LBO) and Human Resource Management (HRM) to consider also, sigh....
Even having more choices is a problem...
Now my choices are tentatively ESAP, CBIS, FR and CF, but a bit shaky on the CBIS decision...
Sigh...
What to do?
Really quite afraid of screwing up. Always quite prone to do so... Sigh...
Saw a module called Investment Management, interested but they need Principles of Banking as a pre-requisite. This sucks!!! Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess... Too many 'if onlys'.... Had I known I might be interested in investment I might have taken banking and finance... Oh well... No use thinking about that now!
Asked Ma, she feels that HRM shld be better, hmm.... Maybe I shouldn't just think about choosing the easy way out and choose CBIS...
Must make a decision before the night ends.......
I
scribbled at ;; 1:31 PM