Mentioned that I was going to give all the details here the next day but been a bit occupied otherwisew so haven't had the chance to have it all typed out. ;p
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How did I manage to fail again? Hmm... It could have been the weather, my anxiousness or you could even say that it's pure providence. After all, how many times have I actually curbed during the entire course of my driving lessons, probably only a maximum of 3 times. It's just definitely frustrating for this to happen when I could have passed if I hadn't gone up that curb.
I better be more careful the next time I drive round that bend in the circuit. Sigh... Is it fate that I have to spend more money than others to learn how to drive. Better yet, is it fate that I have to spend more than others to learn everything and anything?
My Mum said that about me yesterday. She said I was always the one in the family to spend the most money, no matter what I learn. Piano, JC, SIM, everything I got involved in seem to be so costly. People take one year, I take 2 years.....
She felt I probably ought to give up. She regrets giving me the chance at learning how to drive. She's beginning to agree with my father that I shouldn't have been given the chance to learn. Why? Why ought I not be given the same chance? Is it because I'm a girl, or is he simply convinced that I'd never be able to learn how to drive? Or could it be because he feels that I'm less worthy and the money should have never been spent on me?
No matter, I care much less for my father's opinions than my mother's. For my mother to agree with him and put me down that way hurt me more than she could have imagined. That was probably why I kind of lashed out back at her. I didn't shout, nor did I cry or scream but I knew what I had said was meant to hurt her. I'm not sure whether if I did manage to hurt her with my words for they were mean but not overly so and she could have ignored them if she chose to but I still felt slightly guilty the moment I finished saying what I said. I never knew how I sometimes can be so vindictive... I probably wanted to protect myself too much...
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Back to the test. It was over before it actually began.
I had just been through the S course, when the tester asked me to turn left, then turn left, I probably was being a bit too anxious to make the turn and didn't notice the small island there. Then, it was all over when I went up the curb. I asked the tester if we'll just stop there and then but he just said to continue. It's weird but after I had learnt that I'd failed I was exceptionally relaxed and proceeded to drive as normal. I didn't get any marks taken off my circuit drive! I also spent the entire drive chatting with the tester. Mr Tan, like the previous Mr Tan, is really a very nice person. It was really an enjoyable ride despite the fact that I'd failed. It made me less sad that I'd dissapointed my instructors again.
The first time I took the test and failed I cried. Very long and hard. It was so embarrassing as I was at a rehearsal for my play at the beginning of the year and I just broke down and couldn't stop tearing. I think I kind of scared everyone for awhile. (though soon they became quite used to my breakdowns, I was at a period in my life when I felt horribly melancholic. Not sure why, could have been something the play brought out in me...)
I took it pretty hard, I had such wonderful instructors and I had such high hopes of passing the test. My brother passed the first time so there was added pressure for me to perform. It was probably also because it happened at such a horrible time. I knew my father had lost his job and was coming back. Along with the worry of the lack of income I worried for how we were going to adapt to living with him again. As it turned out I really couldn't live with him around all the time. I was breaking down in front of my own eyes so I ran away, to my Aunt's place.
This time I waited for my instructors' shift to end to tell them the bad news. Was really guilty that the last time I simply left soon after I heard the bad news. I was just that upset. I was so ready to cry the 1st time and I didn't want my instructors to see me that way. Too bad my co-actors had to see me like that. It was so embarrassing.....
Think Mr Wee was a tiny bit frustrated for me to hear that I failed again. I got 14 marks. For those who have gone through the driving test themselves they would know that all it takes is about 18 marks and below and you'd pass. Theoretically, my driving skills passed but due to my carelessness, and probably my lack of skills too, I failed again. I wish I hadn't, I really do, but there's no use for me to stay miserable forever. I didn't cry this time but I still did beat myself up about it, I'd tried sleeping it away but for the 1st hour that night I'd spent the whole time rolling about and lamenting about how I hadn't worked hard enough to be deemed worthy of a license. I may have looked nonchalent but anyone who knew me enough would know that I'm anything but that...
Luckily for me I had a bit of money saved in my account, enough to rebook another test in June. I hope, truly hope, the next time, I can pass. I haven't got so much money to burn and I don't wish to prove my mother right in such a way again and again...
Am only going back for revision lessons in June, after my final paper on the 12th of June, so must take note to write down all the knowledge, old and new, that I have gathered in the past few lessons. One good thing about having failed the last time, I finally feel that I am really becoming a more competent driver. I notice things I failed to notice in the past, I know when to and when not to go. I'm less unsure and more confident. I hope that by the time my next driving test comes about I'd be confident enough to NOT make those silly blunders again.
3 times'a charm so JIAYOU Mingmei! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! ~
Initially wanted to write about my experience in Jialing's church on Easter's eve but think I really have written way too much already so I shall leave that for another day shan't I?