Oh, So Random

Friday, August 25, 2006

It's been years since I've had a dream like this, a dream that leaves me sobbing uncontrollably until I wake and continues still after I wake. Oh the irony!!! The conscious mind wants me to awake, yet, if I had the powers in me, I'd much rather never wake again...

2 years, it's been a long time but it's been 2 years since I dreamt of her. It was such a normal dream too, I was sent on a task (there was something unusual about the task which made me reluctant to do it but that's about all the weirdness that there is), and afterwards when I went looking for her and her friends, I couldn't find her at all. It was such a typical scene, the last I saw her, surrounded by so many people, so like who she was. It took me sometime before I tracked her down sitting in a canteen with a bunch of students eating won tun mee. It was so commonplace that it was like real life, except that it wasn't and at some point I realised that the tears that started in my panic of not being able to find her changed into tears that I would never ever see her again...

I clung to the dream, desperate to see her dear face even for awhile longer in the remnants of the devastating dream, but I couldn't stop myself from leaving dreamland anymore than I can stop the Earth from turning.

I would like to think that she has come to support me. Maybe help me celebrate my finding a job? It makes me wonder about the Seventh Month and everything you hear surrounding it, except Xinrong mentioned the real Seventh Month's over already. Involuntarily, tears are still rolling down as they please, even though I'm wide and awake now, even though I'm aware it's all but a fantasy. Perhaps that's what make it hurt more, that it can never be real and I can never find her in the kitchen, waiting to console me for having such silly dreams again......

It's painful, devastating, horrible and every horrid adjective in the world but when I have used up my entire vocabulary I'll still not begin to do justice to how much pain this is.

Still, still, the masochist in me wishes she may visit more so that I can see her and pretend to know she is doing well, wherever she is.................

I scribbled at ;; 7:57 AM