WARNING!! All I've written below are random thoughts I've had in my mind these few days so I hope no one gets confused ya? Thought to give a fair warning after I finished typing the entire entry...
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Promised that I'd fill you'll in on what I'd typed yesterday but accidentally deleted didn't I? Recently I had been somehow drawn to my blog, writing entries left and right... Hmm.... Must be in one of my 3 minute impulses (san fen zhong re du). Maybe it's cos I really like the new layout? Or could it be because of the bo lan qi fu of my emotions? *ponders*
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After I finished typing that entry about my failure to get the job of my dreams (I only realised that belatedly actually, that that job was the job of my dreams), I asked my brother, out of curiosity, if he'd ever read my blog. I knew he read it before but I'm not sure if he pops in to read it regularly like he would for a friend's blog. Turns out he doesn't. Claims it's a bit too English. Is it really very English? Gee... I never thought I'd see the day that someone would find any aspect of me or anything related to me too English...
I asked him that really because I kind of confessed to him in a roundabout yet direct way on his tagboard that I do go visit his blog. I was worried he'd be offended or upset somehow but it turned out fine. His reply was totally characteristic of him, mild and accepting. He's ok with it somehow but he also felt that it was some kind of a loss of privacy for him.
I actually would much rather he come visit my blog sometimes. As close as I sometimes feel we three are I still think we don't understand each other enough. This I see as an avenue for him to learn about certains parts of my life and for him to probably understand me more. I welcome him and anyone else here cos for me, this is a sharing of my life, my thoughts, my feelings and by putting it here I meant for it to be shared with anyone who cares or am curious enough to come view this page.
Always felt that I have a split personality actually, for I am a private exhibitionist, both introverted and extroverted, both secretive and public about who I really am...
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Really miss driving and my driving instructors... Driving affords me a sense a relaxation like nothing can, probably cos I always take the opportunity to offload anything and everything to a third party. I love talking to my instructors, especially Mr Wee. He's such a great listener and I'm always the most relaxed when I drive with him. Maybe cos I met him late in the learning process. He didn't have to suffer the times when I'd made hundreds of embarassing and dangerous mistakes, instead he was there when I was almost at the finishing line. My impression of him is that he is the encouraging one, and the one who understands like no other.
I miss driving......
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Had a hectic day today, went to Timothy's to teach tuition from 8.45am to 12.30pm then lingered on in the centre printing out some worksheets for a few students. By the time I was finished and out of there it was almost 2, which makes it bu san bu si if I go home and left again for Marsiling after an hour plus. Had a date with Mr Haw Chin Wei at 4 cos he cancelled his Sat tuition at the last min (again!! *sarcastic and a little frustrated*) and after that had to rush back to Yishun for Rong Cheng and Koon Ming's session.
Went for a considerably leisurely yu pian mian xian lunch since I'd decided to just go straight to Mars. You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I'd say this but I relished this chance where I could linger and eat my meal slowly, by my own sweet time. Had been maintaining a horrible lifestyle for a few days a week over the past month. Rush down from centre to buy dinner during the students' break, run up, gobble up dinner in 10-15 min, go on with tuition. I wish I could have a decent break sometimes but this is the way it is, this is the way it'd always been for the afternoon session. I know cos I've been doing this off and on for more than a year. Not really complaining though, like the feeling of the rush sometimes, but it makes me cherish my meals, meals I can take in peace...
Since I had this time interval in between I decided I would go visit the Woodlands library. Some of my students were reading these Chinese romance novels by Korean authors (translated of course) and I was itching to find out what's so fascinating about them. Ended up borrowing three books, one English romance novel, one Chinese romance novel and an Economics book filled with essays written by Paul Krugman. It's seems all quite interesting and promising. Think this time I should be able to finish reading all 3 books before the due date comes along...
Was starting on the English novel when I saw this description that one of the characters made of himself. I realised I identified with it even though in the past I wouldn't have said this of myself or to myself (even if I secretly believed in it),'I believe in myself. I guess you could say I believe in myself totally. There's a ton I need to learn, but I believe that I have the ability to apprentice myself, to grow by leaps and bounds. I want to live wildly and adventurously, which might be interpreted as hubris, but is honestly the way I feel about myself.'
Don't know why but I feel I grew up quite a bit this past year, could be the circumstances forcing me to face the music and the cruel world...
Anyway I just wanted to complain about my darling student Mr Jason Haw here for a bit (again). He was the one to arrange this session with me on Sat and guess what? He totally forgot!! I stood outside his door for more than 20 minutes, thinking that no one was at home and waiting for him to return. (Thank God I had those books to accompany me!) Luckily I finally tried to test my luck at the door even though the padlock was on, it turned out that his mother was at home. By sheer luck(for me) he made it home 30 mins after the appointed time. (Am not going to elaborate on why I called it luck but he could have missed our appt totally today, imagine, poor me, waiting for someone who was never going to turn up... *whimpers*) Was sorely tempted to just forget all about it and just leave but I was already there so, what the heck. Will have to go see his face (adorable but frustrating) again tomorrow since today's lesson was just a make up lesson. That boy, so full of antics and dramatics... *still grumbling on and on*
Sigh... I long for a reprieve sometimes..... Do you know what it's like to be busy but free at the same time? I feel EXACTLY that way. No wonder the astropalmist I went to see said that I was a workaholic, am beginning to realise, to a certain extent, the truth of it...
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Ok, I know I've already written too much and bored everyone out so am just gonna go now. Have got three books waiting for me, so ciao everyone, till the next time............
**hubri : Overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance**