There are a hundred and one million things to do, but cos of the changes in our office there are now less people to share the burden with and of course more stress to go with the work.
I just want to find a place and SCREAM OUT LOUD!!!
I imagine myself in the middle of a tropical rainforest and when I scream all the birds will fly out of the trees in shock; I shout in front of the great sea at a beach and all the fish will be scared out of water.
The thing is there isn't even a decent place where I could really scream and destress. Wherever I go in Singapore there are bound to be people and if I dare even shout people will think I'm gila and send me to IMH.
Sigh...
What am I going to do? I feel so tired on a daily basis and it gets more and more dreary to turn up for work. As it is I count two complaints on my account due to poor follow up.
I couldn't help it, how am I to finish so much escalations, field a thousand questions, do transaction monitorings, handle all the admin and HR issues and not feel like I'm a candle which has been burnt to the wick?
And on top of the workload there's also the issue with my Grandmother. I used to be able to stay back later to clear work but I do that less now as I have to sometimes leave earlier to make it in time to go to the hospital to visit her before visiting hours end. But if I don't stay back my escalations cannot get done. Now, cos of the team I'm heading, even if I do stay back it doesn't help at all, I still have to answer questions endlessly as there are still people in my team who are at work when my shift ends.
I really really prefer the time when I was in the 7am shift. Though it was unexpected to me to be placed in that shift but it was a blessing. Wonderful to be able to go home earlier. And even if I went home later it wouldn't actually be as late.
I still have unfortunately quite a lot of TMs to be done. But it does not seem like there is ever a time to do it.
Imagine my anger when a team member from another team came over to ask me some question and dared tell me that her team leader was doing TM!! I need to do TM too! But I don't do it at the expense of other team leaders and neglect my own team when anyone from my team has questions.
I really need to become less of a sponge. Why should a case which has been handled by another TL be handed over to me halfway? Is it even fair to do this to me? And the worst thing is I have too much backbone to follow suit, throw the cases that were escalated to me from agents from other teams back to their TLs.
Now, I'm trying to slowly cultivate the practice of turning them back to their TL. We each have our own workload and there is no reason why I deserve more work than others. If I receive a task for everything that I'm asked to do I believe I can top the task list in task closing.
But the fact is, my tasks seem to be not moving. I clear one task and more come through. It's a can of worms after another can of worms.
When can I stop being bugged? Physically, emotionally and mentally?!!
That's why today I went crazy. For a moment I wished I could be fired and I voiced that out in front of my director!! I said that if I was fired I didn't have to worry about the 2 months notice period.
How crazy have I become to say this in front of her at a time of such economic uncertainty.
Seriously speaking though, I wish I could really take a rest. Have one day where I can stay at home all day, no need to go to gym, tuition, work or anything at all. Just complete relaxation at home.
When will this day come before I really turn crazy??!!
I know the DEC hols is out, in fact my schedule has even been altered so that others who are taking leave will be covered by me.
Woe is me!!
I can only hope and pray, a million and one times that my CNY hols can be approved. If not, if not I might really just go nuts with the non-stop work.
Am I coherent to you? I fancy all of a sudden that I'm jumping from one topic to another and there's no complete link. Am I still making sense to anyone?
Exhausted, I'm completely beyond bushed and on top of my fatigue I have a numb and frozen shoulder due to the stress. I need to relax, I need to go off and rest but when will that be?
Mingmei is so tired she wants to cry and laugh at the same time. No more, no more, I wish for there to be no more pain, no more stress, no more despair...