It's amazing how a few sentences can make a person feel so lousy and depressed...
~
I took a considerable step out of my comfort zone today. Through a friend in the office I got hooked up with one of the dating agencies in Singapore. I was curious, how do these dating agencies work and would it work for me? Since they bothered to get my number and call me, I decided to go find out more about "arranged dating".
I was invited to go down to the DL for a profiling and we ended the session with me feeling depressed and upset.
The lady who helped me was very courteous and the form I filled out was very enlightening. However, when it came to the important bit, in a very nice way I got informed that I have not been putting enough effort to slim down and until I "look better" I will not be considered as a candidate.
Logically I understood all that the lady was driving at. Men are visual creatures and a successful date request will depend a lot on whether they like my picture. Being obese reduces that chance by a whole lot and it doesn't matter how fascinating my personality is - they can't see that from a picture.
Basically I am not marketable because of my looks. The DL has experienced failures in matching up larger women and hence they would rather not accept my business and brings my hopes up only to dash them when no one picks my profile.
I understood all that they were talking about but it didn't stop me from feeling diminished. For the first time in a long time I felt rejected and put down and I couldn't shake that feeling away for quite some time.
Is there anything wrong with being plump? Does obesity equate to failure? Do fat people have no chance at all in gaining acceptance and happiness through such unconventional means?
I felt discriminated and judged. The question posed to me, "Have you tried the best you can?" implies that I should be making a big effort to improve my personal image even though I have a healthy acceptance of my size.
I may wish to slim down for health reasons, with a reduction in size as my fringe benefit, but never at one point in my life have I allowed for myself to feel lousy about myself for being fat. I am big and I know it but I don't believe anyone should beat themselves up for being big. Big can be beautiful and the important factor here is health and not image.
Her words reduced Mingmei the wacky elder sister, the cheery team leader, the friend, the listener into Mingmei the fat woman in a picture.
I took my time walking from Circular Road to City Hall and roamed around the shopping centre for over an hour and slowly tried to let it go of the negative feelings. It wasn't burning humiliation that I experienced; It was overwhelming rejection.
Essentially the message I got was this even if they hadn't meant it that way: Fat people have no prospects and don't deserve a chance at love. Even if I were willing to spend good money to try things out they weren't ready to waste their time and effort doing something they were certain would fail.
It was downright depressing.
~
Don't get me wrong, I'm not at the point of no return where I yearn for a man so much that I'm hunting one down. However, the reality is, I am well aware that I have a very small social circle, and the only way for me to meet more people is to put myself in situations where there are more people to meet.
This was my foray into the big unknown, to try something different, to make an effort somehow. I wanted to be a little bit more proactive for once.
When it came down to it, I may not have signed up with them as I still can't fully wrap my mind around the idea of "arranged dating", but I would have liked to have the option open for me if I ever happen to choose this method.
They have however closed their doors to me. I can't figure out if I should feel more insulted or resigned because of this.
Sigh... This marks the end of this little adventure I guess. This must be a hint from God that I'm more suited for a more conventional way of matching up. I'll just stick to the tried and tested then. =)